i posted this on my blog www.jeffstoltzfus.com, but it was so funny i didnt want you all to miss out on the fun

Top Ten Signs Your Amish Teen Is In Trouble:
10. Sometimes stays in bed till after 6am.
9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.
8. Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.
7. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou sucketh!"
6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."
5. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap."
4. You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.
3. Uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, cause the beard ain't listening."
2. Was recently pulled over for "driving under the influence of cottage cheese."
1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.

Soldiers Manual Of Common Tasks
Move Over, Through, or Around Obstacles (Except Minefields)

Conditions: Given individual weapon, load carrying equipment (LCE), one smoke grenade, wood or grass mats or chicken wire, a grappling hook, wrapping material, wire cutters (optional) and a buddy. During daylight or darkness, you are at a field location, moving over a route with natural and man-made crossings and obstacles (walls and barbed wire entanglements).

Standards: Approached within 100 meters of a suspected enemy position over a specified route. Negotiated each obstacle within the time designated while retaining all equipment without becoming a casualty to a booby trap or early warning device.

Performance Steps

1. Cover your advance using smoke when crossing an obstacle. (Task 071-325-4407, Employ Hand Grenades.)

2. Ensure your buddy is covering you since obstacles are normally covered by either fire or observation.

3. Cross barbed wire obstacles.

Warning: It is threat doctrine to attach tripwire-activated mines to barbed wire

a. Check barbed wire for booby traps or early warning devices.

(1) Look for booby traps or early warning devices attached to the barbed wire.

(2) Throw a grappling hook with a length of rope attached over the barbed wire.

(3) Pull the rope to set off any booby traps or early warning devices.

b. Cross over barbed wire using wood, grass mats, or some chicken wire to protect you from the barbs.

(1) Throw the wood, mat, or chicken wire over the barbed wire.

(2) Cross carefully because such a mat or net forms an unstable path.

c. Cross under barbed wire.

(1) Slide headfirst on your back under the bottom strands.

(2) Push yourself forward with your shoulders and heels, carrying your weapon lengthwise on your body, and holding the barbed wire with one hand while moving.

(3) Let the barbed wire slide on the weapon to keep wire from catching on clothing and equipment.

d. Cut your way through barbed wire.

(1) Leave the top wire in place to make it less likely that the enemy will discover the gap.

(2) Wrap cloth around the barbed wire between your hands.

(3) Cut partly through the barbed wire.

(4) Bend the barbed wire back and forth quietly until it separates.

(5) Cut only the lower strands.

4. Cross exposed danger areas such as roads, trails, or small streams.

a. Select a point at or near a bend in the road or stream. If possible, select a bend that has cover and concealment on both sides.

b. Crawl up to the edge of the open area.

c. Observe the other side carefully before crossing.

d. Move rapidly but quietly across the exposed area.

e. Take cover on the other side.

f. Check the area around you.

5. Cross over a wall.

a. Roll quickly over the top.

b. Do not go over standing upright.

6. Cover your buddy as he crosses the obstacle.


Evaluation Preparation: Setup: Select a field location that has crossings, walls, and barbed wire entanglements. Designate a suspected opposing forces position and point it out to the soldiers. Establish a standard by timing yourself and an assistant as you run the course twice. Average times and add 10 percent as maximum time for soldiers.

Brief Soldier: Tell soldiers they are going to be evaluated on how they move over, through, and around the obstacles while attempting to get within 100 meters of an enemy position. Tell them they must negotiate at least one of each type obstacle: exposed danger areas, barbed wire, and a wall. Tell them they must run the course within the standard.

I had chicken wire for breakfast this morning.

Okay. Not really...but I just wanted to encourage Jeff in his randomosity.

chicken wire never hurt anyone

Whoa... Bess? I had that thing in high school and it sucked so much. I couldn't do freaking anything. I couldn't check my freaking Hotmail. Bess sucks. I managed to get around her at the end of 8th grade, for about two weeks. But then our system administrator fixed that hole. Stupid SysAdmin.

I wish I could take the FIF song quiz, but Bess (our wonderful internet filtering program at Calvin) blocks quizilla. Much unyay.

The other one you got wrong was about my favorite room in the house. Everyone seems to be getting that one wrong. Oh, and very few people know my middle name, but the choice they make is much better than my actual middle name, so I'll just pretend that's it. Everyone else should take the quiz too!

Do you know the Taj?

This blog is so boring... but my sister and I cannot be blamed for the lack of activity or faithfulness from everyone else :)

How sad. I'm a failure as a sister. I got an 80 on my brother's quiz. I definitely should have had at least a 90, though. I totally second-guessed myself and it cost me a whopping 10 points. It was the one about where he wants to live. Hm...what was the other one I got wrong? I forget. Oh well.